Let’s uncover the truth about making long term relationships. Since we don’t get formal training in relationship building, we largely rely on social media, friends, movies, and fairy tales for guidance on how to have a relationship. However, these things often mislead us and don’t align with real life. Much like Dorothy’s revelation in The Wizard of Oz when she pulls back the curtain to reveal the truth behind the Wizard, we too must pull back the curtain on our beliefs about relationships. Then can we uncover the truth about what it takes to build a lasting, fulfilling partnership.
Belief #1: A Relationship is Easy When You Find the Right Person
This belief oversimplifies relationships, ignoring the effort they require. Love is not just about finding the right person—it’s about creating the right relationship, one day at a time. Regardless of how perfect your partner seems to be, eventually issues will arise that you’ll have to sort out. When this happens, many people choose to walk away, rather than try to work things out. Thankfully, most relationships challenges can resolved if both people are willing to work on the relationship and themselves.
Belief #2: Your Partner is Responsible for How You Feel
Many of us rely on our partners to make us happy. The truth is that it’s unrealistic to expect your partner to meet all of your emotional needs, all the time. Creating a healthy relationship means knowing that your partner’s emotional capacity may be limited by their own stressors like being tired, stressed or their own emotional wounds. Rather than expecting them to always be available to you, strive to accept their limitations and instead find support through available friends, family, professionals, or spiritual practices. Read about codependency here: http://codependency-robs-you-of-happy-relationships
Belief #3: If Your Partner Changes, You’ll Be Happy
Who hasn’t tried to change their partner in some way? It seems to be a normal aspect of relationships. However, many of us fall into the trap of needing our partner to change so that we’ll be happy. We put a strain on the relationship when we put pressure on our partner to be different. Through my own misguided attempts to change my husband so I’ll feel better, I realized that, like it or not, he is in charge of his life and I can’t make him do or not do things that he wants to do. Healthy relationships are interdependent, meaning that both partners maintain their individuality and stay true to their own values.
Next Steps
Talk to Elizabeth about how you can create lasting relationships and get a handle on codependency. Elizabeth mixes wisdom borne from her past relationship challenges and the tools she uses in her 19-year relationship to help you build loving relationships. You can contact Elizabeth at truelovecoach@gmail.com or call or text her at (512) 922-4822.
