Are you sabotaging love without even realizing it? Love and relationships are complex, and for a good reason. Each person’s beliefs, self-image, expectations, and baggage can hinder connection. Your beliefs create your reality in life and love. If you’re aware of your destructive thoughts and beliefs about relationships, you can change your relationship outcomes.
Self-Love
Let’s start with self-love. Self-love is a feeling of acceptance and appreciation for yourself. Self-love doesn’t mean that you are egotistical. Instead, it allows you to see your abilities and limitations without judgment. Self-love goes beyond just taking time to pamper yourself; it is an ongoing awareness of your emotional, physical and spiritual needs.
If you pay attention to how you talk to yourself, you may discover that you are your own worst critic. When you tell yourself things like, “I’m not good enough,” “There’s something wrong with me,” or “I guess I don’t deserve to be happy,” you block your heart from giving and receiving love. Sadly, most of us find it easier to judge ourselves rather than love ourselves. Consequently, if you’re in the habit of judging yourself, you’ll be prone to judging your loved ones as well.
Self-love is essential for loving relationships. If you don’t love yourself, it’s difficult to love others.
You can develop self-love by talking to yourself with acceptance and kindness – the way you would speak to your best friend. Embrace the idea that you are okay – just the way you are. By increasing your self-acceptance, you will naturally increase your acceptance of your loved ones.
Unrealistic Expectations
Another way to sabotage a relationship is by having unrealistic expectations about your partner or relationships. It’s unrealistic to think that a relationship will solve all your problems. A relationship has peaks and valleys. Sometimes your partner can’t be there for you like you expect them to be. Moreover, you can’t meet your partner’s needs all the time either. If you make demands based on unrealistic expectations, your partner may pull away or even leave the relationship. It pays to get clear about your expectations. Are you being realistic, or are you expecting too much?
Resentments and Forgiveness
Do you feel like you’ve been treated unfairly or disrespectfully by another person? Additionally, do you feel angry when you think about a past situation? If so, you have a resentment. Typically, we carry resentments about our parents, siblings, and ex’s.
Most people think that letting go of a resentment somehow benefits the offender. Actually, letting go of a resentment helps you release the toxic energy created in your body. The phrase, “Holding on to resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die,” powerfully describes the effect of resentment.
You can release your resentments through forgiveness. Forgiving doesn’t mean that what happened to you was right or that you have to forget what happened. Forgiveness allows you to dissolve the negative emotions associated with an event. So when you think about it, you’ll no longer feel hurt or angry about it. Forgiveness helps you cultivate compassion. Compassion melts away bitterness, allowing you to fill your heart with love and connect with your partner.
In Conclusion
You can stop sabotaging love. The key to building a happy relationship is within yourself. Your beliefs create your reality, and you have the power to form deep loving connections with yourself and others.
Next Steps
Do you want to discover how or why you may be sabotaging love? I turned around the ways I used to sabotage my relationships. I’m now in a beautiful marriage, and I can help you do the same. I would love to hear from you! Contact me at (512) 922-4822 or buildlovingrelationships.com or email me at truelovecoach@gmail.com.