Are you afraid to share your inner thoughts and feelings with your significant other? Does it seem like your partner withholds their true feelings from you? Or do you have great chemistry, but when you sit down to talk, you can’t connect at a deep level? These things involve emotional intimacy and if you see yourself in these examples, you probably need to learn more about it. Physical intimacy is simple. Holding hands, snuggling, and having sex are uncomplicated and don’t require critical thinking. In contrast, building emotional intimacy can be complex and unnerving.
Emotional intimacy is an essential part of a good relationship, and it requires a level of emotional strength and bravery that can be intimidating.
Emotional intimacy involves vulnerability and transparency. It calls for taking down your walls and sharing your hopes, dreams, and fears, risking rejection from your partner. While sex can foster an intimate bond with your partner, emotional intimacy is the glue of a good relationship. The two types of intimacy work together to keep a relationship exciting and meaningful.
You can break down the word intimacy to ‘in-to-me-see” so you can see who they are and they can see who you are.
The Rewards of Emotional Intimacy
Humans are made to connect deeply with others. Emotional intimacy means that you understand your partner, and your partner understands you. Isn’t this what we all hunger for – to be accepted and understood -for who we are? When someone ‘gets us,’ they fulfill the primitive need to be accepted, which lets us relax.
To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is what we need more than anything. It fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us. ~Timothy Keller, “The Meaning of Marriage.”
Emotional intimacy creates a deep sense of security within your relationship and a safe place to reveal yourself, warts and all, without feeling like you risk the relationship. Without this intimacy, you may experience distrust, hypersensitivity, and loneliness in your relationship.
Emotional Intimacy Develops over Time
Developing intimacy is like peeling an onion. It happens a little at a time as you get to know someone, grow to care about each other, and feel increasingly comfortable during your time together. Here are six ways to build emotional intimacy.
Six Ways to Create Emotional Intimacy
- Increase your self-love. You deserve to be loved, respected, and honored for who you are, not who you think your partner wants you to be.
- Own your emotional needs. They are valid. Let your loved one know what you expect or desire from them.
- Ask your partner open-ended questions like, “Why do you do the work you do?” “Why do you live the life you live?” and “What makes you who you are?”
- Make an effort to share something about your day or yourself that you typically wouldn’t share.
- Regardless of how long you’ve been together, they are always more questions to ask each other. Get curious about the different decades of your partner’s life and ask questions accordingly.
- Be more accepting and less critical of your partner so they feel safe being vulnerable with you.
In Conclusion
We all need loving, emotionally intimate relationships. For most of my life, I didn’t know how to be vulnerable and was afraid to reveal my true self. I was scared of rejection. After countless short-lived relationships, I finally became ready to embrace my authentic self and be vulnerable. Today, I am in a happy and healthy, emotionally-strong marriage. If you’re tired of guarding yourself and want to become closer to your loved ones, I can help. You can call me at 512-922-4822 or email me at truelovecoach@gmail.com to find out more.