Do you think of yourself as a motivated, successful woman? If you’re successful in your career yet feel like a failure in love, it’s not because you aren’t lovable; it’s because you’re using the same mindset in a relationship you use in your business. The skills you learned in your profession differ from the skills you need in relationships. Things like patience, acceptance, and vulnerability aren’t generally valued in business; however, they are valuable relationship skills.
Melissa’s Story
Melissa is successful and intelligent and considers herself a good catch. However, her relationships are short-lived and stressful. She can’t figure out why dating is so complex, and her relationships don’t work. She feels like a failure.
Melissa spent her twenties in post-graduate education, earning a law degree. She had no time for dating and put aside dreams of starting a family to focus on her career. In her late thirties, Melissa began online dating. She thought she’d found the one more than once, but after a few weeks of dating, the relationships fizzled out. Melissa feels lonely and unfulfilled. Until now, she relied on her achievements for happiness. Now she longs for a more profound sense of contentment with her life.
The Surprising Key to Finding a Relationship
Melissa asks for my help. She is surprised to discover that the key to attracting a loving relationship begins with cultivating a loving relationship with herself. She’s unsure how to be her own best friend or how that would help her attract love.
I ask her to think about the way she treats herself. Is she patient and gentle? She realizes that she frequently pushes herself beyond her limits. Moreover, she scolds herself when she’s not performing to her high standards. She’s used to talking to herself with criticism rather than with acceptance. Melissa thinks of herself as a successful attorney, but I challenge her to think beyond that characterization and think of herself in a deeper context.
Your True Essence
I ask Melissa to think about her essence. Essence is the core nature or most important quality of a person. It’s referred to as your soul, spirit, or heart. Ironically, the more attached you are to the persona you display to the world, the less aware you are of your true essence. Discovering your essence leads you to the pure joy of being. Then you can play, create and connect to your inner child.
Your essence is a boundless spiritual being. You are spirit in body.
Being Your Own Best Friend
Being your own best friend is the most important relationship you can have. A friendship with yourself allows you to be who you are, rather than trying to be someone you’re not. It means that you are patient and forgiving with yourself. It means accepting yourself as a beautiful being rather than focusing on your perceived flaws.
The Results of Loving Yourself
So, how does building a loving relationship with yourself help you with dating and relationships? Paradoxically, it lessens the stress of finding a romantic relationship. When you can be content with being single, you’re less likely to start a relationship out of neediness. People are attracted to you when they can sense the peace you have within yourself. You will feel more comfortable being vulnerable and creating a heart-to-heart connection with another person.
Moreover, when you are your own best friend, you’ll be less critical and controlling of your partner and more accepting and appreciative of them. Rather than telling them what they should or shouldn’t do, you’ll let them be who they authentically are.
Suggestions for Becoming Your Own Best Friend
So how can you start to have a more loving relationship with yourself? Here are a few suggestions.
- Become aware of your thoughts. When you notice a critical thought about yourself, consciously create a positive thought right after it.
- Rather than always trying to be independent, ask for help when you need it.
- Surround yourself with nurturing people, books, and media.
- Dedicate time each week to let yourself be creative or enjoy nature, with no specific goal.
- Let yourself be. Sit and relax your mind through meditation or another mindfulness practice.
- Permit yourself to do something you want, not need to do. It could be eating your favorite ice cream, watching television, or skipping a day’s workout.
Next Steps
